Death to text...

I'm getting that feeling again in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to vomit, that's how bad hurts. It happens when I think of a certain person who is now in a relationship. its a weird thing to understand but all in all it might be jealousy, or simply heartache (what tiny piece of a heart I have left), or simply that "wait I thought I was next in line" feeling. I'm not sure. But then all I keep asking myself is "your good enough for one thing but not the other?" And as much as your friends will say "oh girl he's a jerk/an asshole" the answer still remains as yes. Your good enough for one thing but never for the other. I was asked if it was ok with me (the person who is in the relationship asked me this), but I never replied. I didn't reply b/c I knew my answer wouldn't make or break anything. This person KNOWS how I feel so why even ask me. Its like asking a child how they feel about a divorce when you know good and well you will STILL get a divorce no matter what that child says.

I'm taking it as a loss. When I'm used to calling a person at the wee hours of the morning or anytime I feel like it to talk junk or get advice, I don't like the restriction a relationship brings. Then after many unanswered calls and non responded text this will follow "oh don't call me after 10, my girl doesn't like it." So to avoid all of that I rather cut the friend now b/c later when that happens trust me it will hurt so much more. I'm the person who calls when I'm feeling hurt or scared even tho people never know (well now they do), so not having my calls answered or even returned will....ugh just kick me down. So yes its a cycle, a strange one, but one none the less.

With all the disappointments going on these days and work just being shitty, I'm just done. Crying doesn't help. I thinking maybe its me. B/c I feel like I keep getting let down left and right. I'm actually a very nice person I go out of my way to do things for other b/c I know it will make them happy and I genuinely enjoy it. But no one bothers to do that for me, or at least that's how it feels.

I'll get through this. Its happened before. Even tho I don't remember what I did to get out of it. I'm sure alcohol was involved, but I'm not sure if I want to go that road again....
You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMAF), or try to....