Death to text...

I'm getting that feeling again in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to vomit, that's how bad hurts. It happens when I think of a certain person who is now in a relationship. its a weird thing to understand but all in all it might be jealousy, or simply heartache (what tiny piece of a heart I have left), or simply that "wait I thought I was next in line" feeling. I'm not sure. But then all I keep asking myself is "your good enough for one thing but not the other?" And as much as your friends will say "oh girl he's a jerk/an asshole" the answer still remains as yes. Your good enough for one thing but never for the other. I was asked if it was ok with me (the person who is in the relationship asked me this), but I never replied. I didn't reply b/c I knew my answer wouldn't make or break anything. This person KNOWS how I feel so why even ask me. Its like asking a child how they feel about a divorce when you know good and well you will STILL get a divorce no matter what that child says.

I'm taking it as a loss. When I'm used to calling a person at the wee hours of the morning or anytime I feel like it to talk junk or get advice, I don't like the restriction a relationship brings. Then after many unanswered calls and non responded text this will follow "oh don't call me after 10, my girl doesn't like it." So to avoid all of that I rather cut the friend now b/c later when that happens trust me it will hurt so much more. I'm the person who calls when I'm feeling hurt or scared even tho people never know (well now they do), so not having my calls answered or even returned will....ugh just kick me down. So yes its a cycle, a strange one, but one none the less.

With all the disappointments going on these days and work just being shitty, I'm just done. Crying doesn't help. I thinking maybe its me. B/c I feel like I keep getting let down left and right. I'm actually a very nice person I go out of my way to do things for other b/c I know it will make them happy and I genuinely enjoy it. But no one bothers to do that for me, or at least that's how it feels.

I'll get through this. Its happened before. Even tho I don't remember what I did to get out of it. I'm sure alcohol was involved, but I'm not sure if I want to go that road again....
You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMAF), or try to....

YEAH BUDDY!!! Talk to me on the train, then knit me a scarf daddy!!!

Yeah Buddy!!!! I'm back! So I decided I didn't want to write on this thing for a while, but apparently i changed my mind. How am I doing you ask? I'm pretty good. The new job is excellent...well some days I hate it and other days I love it! But all in all good. Life is good I will have my own place soon. Breaking news I have given up meat again (I'm going for a year lets see if it works) if I make it past a year I'm just going to keep up with it. the social scene has taken a weird turn, its like I woke up one day and I'm like well wtf did i used to do before, who did I talk to? then i realize well shyt it ain't (gottah love the fake words) who I was speaking to before. Why you ask? I honestly have no clue anymore for some people it's pride on my behalf, for others they are just inconsistent which I've learned NOT to take personal.
Now that we got over the intro stuff...I've been thinking lately what is a conversation? I've been listening to conversations and they seem a bit...I don't know... It seems like people don't care to ask more than one question about a person before they start babbling about themselves. For example...
Girl 1: Hey how are you?
Girl2: I'm good and you?
Girl1: I'm good girl work has been killing me!
Girl2: yeah girl tell me about it, i wanna kill my boss. he is such a d--
Girl1: ohhh girl I know my boss is a jerk too...

Now I'm not sure if that explains what i really mean, but conversations seem to become about stating facts about your self and not really listening to the other person speaking. instead of asking what happen after a fight a person will say "girl i got into a fight before too!" Now don't get me wrong I have and do do the same thing sometimes but shyt its annoying when you listen to it.

Yeah so enough about conversations and on to the train....I wish i could hoover craft to work because i can't stand humans. I'm not sure what it is about them but when they ride the train it's like they loose every bit of sense they have. Like it isn't okay to sit in a space that is for a size 2 person when your a size 24. Now I'm no mathologist, but that shyt just doesn't work...at all...for no one. And as for the homeless....how about they stay OFF the train from 6am-9am and 4pm- 7pm. I'm mean its not like they have anywhere to be, do they need to go home? No. do they need to go to work? No. So therefore they don't need to be present on the train, because honestly...they stink...like crazy. I know they can't help it but shyt I don't know how it's possible to smell like cheddar cheese, a foot, old meat, sweat, and corn chips....I'm just at a lost!
So on that note...
Good Night! You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMAF)...Because i know you will (most people do!).