Do you love me, or do you really love my brain ;-) ?

A friend of mine lately keeps telling me "you and your words! you have a way with words!" People have told me that for years, honestly it's all I know. That's just how I was raised. My mother instilled in me the art of empowering, encouraging, rejecting, praising, dismissing, loving, and checking someone only using a few (well chosen words) words. I've seen that woman dismiss someone with a smile on her face and the person didn't know they were being put back in their place until 15 minutes later. I've adopted that way with words as well simply because its fun. You throw a few well chosen above average words in a simple conversation and you will have people think about you for at least half of the day simply because they wanna pick ya brain, and that's what I like. I love it when a man is attracted to me because of my looks but that doesn't keep me satisfied. I welcome any man who attempts to get to know my brain versus simply staring at my ass and my lips all day (that gets annoying). I take pride in my vast knowledge of everything (yes I know everything....sub-consciously lol), and I adore a guy who takes pride in my brain too ;-). I also love a guy who understands the art of an double entendre.
Oh yeah I'm 20 lbs down!!! holla!!!

You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMFA), You betta lud dis brain boy!

10, 10, 10, and 20 makes 50....

So I've been away for some time, yes I know I've been neglecting my blog like a bad parent! I've just finished reading the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. In the beginning of the series I was very much into the book I came home at night and read it over watching my prime time shows. I begin to relate to one of the main characters on some levels. That need for more information, the thought of getting lost in a book versus reality, and the part of me that allows my subconscious to mock me at every turn and force me to second guess myself. As I got to the second book (50 Shades Darker) I zoomed past that one too, and I began to become more and more upset with the negative attention the book is getting. The trilogy is based on S&M (I forget the appropriate term) meaning that's what the story line is based off of. The books don't go in depth in the world of S&M they just touch the basics and explain to why a particular character is into this sexual scene. Although by the last book I was less and less interested in it. It became more of a "Lifetime" story, and it took me like 2 1/2 weeks to get through it. All in all i feel the third book fell short of the prior ones. I know this was a sucky review of the book, but this is all I really want to say on it right now.

You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMFA), 50 shades style.

Two crooked feet and a lost butt is a scared road to travel!

Yesterday I did a basketball inspired workout! Im convinced I almost died. Between the high kicks and the butt kicks I've learned I lack a lot of coordination, and my parents should've probably had me evaluated as a child. But hay I completed the workout (and im still breathing)!
So you know that awkward moment when a person you barely speak to stops you and ask you ha w you lost weight? And you just start cheesing and shaking your head real fast. Lmao well that happen to me today! I didn't think you could notice in that uniform I wear to work that I actually lost weight, but that parent definitely noticed my lack of 12.5 pounds! That's probably the equivalent to a 2 month old...I think, but I could careless that's 12.5 pounds off this ass! Lmao
Speaking of asses...mine is getting smaller like literally my ass. I'm starting to development a quite fear about my ass lost. Granted I may be a big girl but my ass has an awesome shape to it, and I just don't wanna lose that! Is that a vain thought!?!? Should I be more concerned with people falling for my personality? Sure I suppose but hay you still needing something to grab on too. Personality alone doesn't put gas in the car if you know what I mean ;) . So I've made it a point to focus on my squats, lunges, and other butt maintaining activities. Mhm that sounds real bad...and its probably not what your thinking lmao!
Anywho there are a list of movies I want to see! I need a movie buddy of the opposite sex. It just gets weird sometimes when you frequent the movies with the same female all the time (depending on the movie) lol. Eh maybe in due time...
Well that's all I can solicit to you for now kiddies!
You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMFA), I'm kinda hoping you will.

Could you, would you, should you luv this?!?

I've been racking my mind lately about relationships. You know when people say "I'm not looking for anyone right now because...", that phrase is simply a cop out. I know I've been there. I'm not in a relationship (while I'm being honest), I would like too but they scare the shit out if me (seriously). So I've settled for the "friend" thing or simply the guys I know I will be over in a month (wow that sounds bad lol :-/ ). The truth of the matter (sometimes) its simply the right person hasn't come knocked on your door yet, and I feel some people have a hard time admitting that (myself included sometimes). So instead we find that excuse to get people off our backs when in all actuality we should be saying "look nothings been bitting lately."
But then again some people are genuinely not looking and that's cool too. I know I'm probably THE last person to give relationship advice (miss trust issues her self), but its simply what's on my mind!
On a lighter note, I've officially lost 10 pounds!!! Yeah suck on that SUCKAS!!!!!! Now I only see it in certain areas but I'm damn pleased that I'm carrying around a lighter load. 30 more to go....wish me luck because I reaaaaaaaalllllly want some pizza....SHIT!!

That's all I have for now you stalkers,

You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMFA) I can't seem to shake 'em off.

Come get this 7 lbs...my welcome back gift to you!

So im back at this again!!! Was I missed (probably not because mot alot of people read my blog before! Lol). Well to fill you guys in I've relocated to Buffalo, New York! Do I love it? Some days. Do I hate it? No. I rather not recap the last two years of my life but just know I've grown a smidge (lol).
For the past 4 weeks I've been on a "diet" or shall I say im just trying to  get back the 20 years of my life the excess weight on my body is taking. To say I am completely comfortable in my own skin would be a lie. I don't think anyone is. Ask someone if they are comfortable in their own skin and after they say yes, Ask them so what would you change about yourself? They will give you at least 3-5 things. Im comfortable to a degree, I would like it if some parts of my body didn't jiggle so much (or rub). So with that being said I've set out to lose 40 pounds by September then maybe another 30 after that (That might be pushing it tho!). I've been hitting the gym 3 to 4 times a week. So far I've lost 7 pounds (and I love it when people notice lol), 32 more to go.
I haven't really cut much out just simply sweets, fast food, and things that might cause cancer or rickets. Im trying to teach my self portion control (which is hard as hell when your a fat ass). I have noticed that my butt has gotten smaller (:-/) which scares me a bit. I fear it disappearing completely, I have no clue how to live with a flat butt!!! I hope the thigh and butt machines at the gym work, if not I'll be a sad flat assed friend!
Btw I wont make this whole blog about weight loss (that's boring), but I will announce my cravings...I want some damn baked macaroni n' cheese! Shit!!
That's all for now,
You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMFA) apparently most people do.

Death to text...

I'm getting that feeling again in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to vomit, that's how bad hurts. It happens when I think of a certain person who is now in a relationship. its a weird thing to understand but all in all it might be jealousy, or simply heartache (what tiny piece of a heart I have left), or simply that "wait I thought I was next in line" feeling. I'm not sure. But then all I keep asking myself is "your good enough for one thing but not the other?" And as much as your friends will say "oh girl he's a jerk/an asshole" the answer still remains as yes. Your good enough for one thing but never for the other. I was asked if it was ok with me (the person who is in the relationship asked me this), but I never replied. I didn't reply b/c I knew my answer wouldn't make or break anything. This person KNOWS how I feel so why even ask me. Its like asking a child how they feel about a divorce when you know good and well you will STILL get a divorce no matter what that child says.

I'm taking it as a loss. When I'm used to calling a person at the wee hours of the morning or anytime I feel like it to talk junk or get advice, I don't like the restriction a relationship brings. Then after many unanswered calls and non responded text this will follow "oh don't call me after 10, my girl doesn't like it." So to avoid all of that I rather cut the friend now b/c later when that happens trust me it will hurt so much more. I'm the person who calls when I'm feeling hurt or scared even tho people never know (well now they do), so not having my calls answered or even returned will....ugh just kick me down. So yes its a cycle, a strange one, but one none the less.

With all the disappointments going on these days and work just being shitty, I'm just done. Crying doesn't help. I thinking maybe its me. B/c I feel like I keep getting let down left and right. I'm actually a very nice person I go out of my way to do things for other b/c I know it will make them happy and I genuinely enjoy it. But no one bothers to do that for me, or at least that's how it feels.

I'll get through this. Its happened before. Even tho I don't remember what I did to get out of it. I'm sure alcohol was involved, but I'm not sure if I want to go that road again....
You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMAF), or try to....

YEAH BUDDY!!! Talk to me on the train, then knit me a scarf daddy!!!

Yeah Buddy!!!! I'm back! So I decided I didn't want to write on this thing for a while, but apparently i changed my mind. How am I doing you ask? I'm pretty good. The new job is excellent...well some days I hate it and other days I love it! But all in all good. Life is good I will have my own place soon. Breaking news I have given up meat again (I'm going for a year lets see if it works) if I make it past a year I'm just going to keep up with it. the social scene has taken a weird turn, its like I woke up one day and I'm like well wtf did i used to do before, who did I talk to? then i realize well shyt it ain't (gottah love the fake words) who I was speaking to before. Why you ask? I honestly have no clue anymore for some people it's pride on my behalf, for others they are just inconsistent which I've learned NOT to take personal.
Now that we got over the intro stuff...I've been thinking lately what is a conversation? I've been listening to conversations and they seem a bit...I don't know... It seems like people don't care to ask more than one question about a person before they start babbling about themselves. For example...
Girl 1: Hey how are you?
Girl2: I'm good and you?
Girl1: I'm good girl work has been killing me!
Girl2: yeah girl tell me about it, i wanna kill my boss. he is such a d--
Girl1: ohhh girl I know my boss is a jerk too...

Now I'm not sure if that explains what i really mean, but conversations seem to become about stating facts about your self and not really listening to the other person speaking. instead of asking what happen after a fight a person will say "girl i got into a fight before too!" Now don't get me wrong I have and do do the same thing sometimes but shyt its annoying when you listen to it.

Yeah so enough about conversations and on to the train....I wish i could hoover craft to work because i can't stand humans. I'm not sure what it is about them but when they ride the train it's like they loose every bit of sense they have. Like it isn't okay to sit in a space that is for a size 2 person when your a size 24. Now I'm no mathologist, but that shyt just doesn't work...at all...for no one. And as for the homeless....how about they stay OFF the train from 6am-9am and 4pm- 7pm. I'm mean its not like they have anywhere to be, do they need to go home? No. do they need to go to work? No. So therefore they don't need to be present on the train, because honestly...they stink...like crazy. I know they can't help it but shyt I don't know how it's possible to smell like cheddar cheese, a foot, old meat, sweat, and corn chips....I'm just at a lost!
So on that note...
Good Night! You Can Love Me Forever and Always (YCLMAF)...Because i know you will (most people do!).